Friday 29th May 2009 – Betty Boop and the Giant Scottie

It is a brave man who takes on the womenfolk and beats them. It is a foolish man who boasts about it. The Grown Ladies Shuffleboard Team has asked me to clarify a few things. And I am only too happy to oblige.

First of all, the shuffleboard contest did not take place in Rock Creek: not to put too fine a point on it, there is no such place as 'Rock Creek' (well, actually, there must be, lots of them; but not hereabouts). The contest was held in Park Grove. It's a mistake anyone could make, especially on a pub crawl with a team of lovely ladies. Just took my eye off the puck, there, for a minute.

And they definitely won the Butt Darts: no question at all; nolle contendere. It wasn't because I lost that I didn't mention the Butt Darts contest. It was out of consideration for the sensitivities of my audience: there might be children reading this. I'm not going to elaborate on the rules and techniques of Butt Darting: except maybe to hint that it's a bit like tiddlywinks, with rather more tiddling, and a lot more winking. Oh, and it's not 'butt' as in archery, it's 'butt' as in American.

I had been roused from a serious beer-tasting session by the grown ladies on their motorbikes, come to set the record straight. I had thought I was with a group of serious gentlemen, with a serious purpose, but suddenly I found myself alone. This may have been to do with their mascot. These Glaswegians (should I give in and use the modern 'weegie'?) use a Scottie dog as the mascot of their sports teams. The ladies had in tow the biggest Scottie dog the world has ever seen. So I am happy to set the record straight.