Monday 6th July 2009 – Cops and Robbers

I found a beer (they like to say "ale" here, to distinguish it from lager/pilsner, which they call "beer") which is very like Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.  It's called Pacific Ridge T&A Ale.  The bar staff knew nothing about it, but it was alright.  Unfortunately, I'm now in San Bernardino, and the bars seem to shut here earlier than they did in Paisley when I was a boy, so I didn't get much chance to test it fully.

I looked it up.  It's made by Anheuser-Busch.  Oh, dear!  For those of you not up on beer, AB are the AntiChrist: AB make 'Bud'.  That's one step down from Foster's, for people with a palete sophisticated enough to take that step.

AB say, quite frankly, that they made a copy of SNPA.  And I have to say, they didn't do so badly.  Theirs is pasteurised, where SNPA isn't, but I couldn't tell that.

When the Campaign for Real Ale sacked Watney's for producing the awful 'Red Barrel', Watney's responded with a terrific real ale called, if my memory serves me right, 'Stag'.  Perhaps AB are also seeing the light.

 

I had come to San Bernardino to see the Sheriff.  I went round the Court House to find him, but it was surrounded by people who were obviously awaiting their day in court. To get in you had to take all your clothes off and let people with guns look up your bottom. 

So I thought I would try County Hall, next door.  This turned out to be the Planning Dept ( they say "zoning").  When the nice lady receptionist and myself had managed to penetrate each others' accents, she gave me a map, and pointed me quite a distance away.

At the Sheriff's Department, the receptionist was a little non-plussed by my requirement, but she fetched out a very pleasant sergeant, who advised me to go and talk to the resident deputy at Baker: "He'll be happy to talk to you.  Hell, he might even take you."

 

Rozzie has been winking a dull yellow eye at me for some time, trying to suggest he's not up to any desert trip.  So I took him to the vet.  "It's his 'gas-cap'", he said.  Gas-cap?  Is he saying "gasket" in a funny way?  What is a 'gas-cap'? 

Finally, the penny drops: it's the petrol cap!  Rozzie is now proudly disporting the most expensive petrol cap in the world.  Concord's petrol cap  probably cost less.  He is looking rather pleased with himself.  Still, they gave him a good scrub down, so, at least he looks much better.

 

Later that night, I am transported to a desert speakeasy.  Nowadays, a speakeasy is a bar where you can smoke indoors.  "Are you allowed to smoke here?" I ask.  "No", they say, "but don't tell anybody."  I can sense they mean it.

This is like singing rebel songs.  I just have to cadge a cigarette.  In fact I cadge several.  There is T&A Ale on tap, and I fall in with a biker gang who call themselves "The Outlaws".  They claim to pre-date Hells Angels".  I don't argue. 

But they tell me affectionately that they will warn me if any fighting is about to break out: "You're much to old and fragile", they said, "beating up on you would be no fun."  I, of course, am relieved to hear this.

A little later, one of them claims to have been a major in the special forces.  I contemplate joining in the spirit of the thing and hinting darkly of my SAS past.  I do, after all, have the accent for it.  But, despite all the T&A ale, I actually know, before I say it, he will find that ridiculous: this trip is a very maturing experience.