Easter Sunday, April 12th 2009 – German Gas

 

41°30'N, 49°05'W, 2000 miles gone, 1000 to go.

 

There is a pub on board.  It is, as you would expect from Cunard, very civilised.  In fact, it's so civilised, smoking is permitted.  It is surprising how quickly we forgot the charms of a smoke-filled atmosphere.  I suspect there are people who do this trip regularly just for the joy of an old-fashioned pub.  Since we are gathered for the purpose of drinking beer and staring at the mesmerising ocean foaming past just outside the window ( the pub is down at low-level) it would be quite uncivilised to send them outside to smoke, although it might add considerably to the entertainment.  I manage a few enlightening discussions about lung cancer, and the excruciatingly painful death it usually causes.  The smokers don't seem to want to stay long.  One German pair were really quite unfriendly, and refused to tell me the German for 'lung cancer'.  They moved to another table in a huff, delivering a long stream of German at me as they departed, of which I could only follow the general gist.  I like to do my bit to cement international relations.

The pub only sells pasteurised, frozen, carbonated beer.  So the atmosphere is helped further by traditional pub farting and burping.  If we don't get to New York soon, I may float away in a bubble of Carbon Dioxide.  (Is Carbon Dioxide lighter than air?  Nobody warned me in school chemistry that one day I would be writing about this and too mean to pay the exorbitant internet access rates obtaining on the QM2.  Problem is: I can't remember whether carbon is lighter than oxygen, or vice-versa.  I seem to remember that one is 14 and the other is 16.  I guess if carbon is 14, CO₂  will be lighter than air.  No, wait a minute, isn't there a lot of nitrogen involved in this question as well?  I will just have to ask the Germans next time I see them.).  In the mean time, I buy my beer with a spare glass and a swizzle stick.  Decanting half and swizzling vigorously has the desired effect.  Actually, the need for two glasses only became apparent during an early experiment, which resulted in covering the table and a considerable area of carpet in beer.  The staff, who obviously like to take part in chemistry experiments, insisted on doing the clearing up.  The general conclusion was that there was far too much carbon dioxide in the beer, although some held to the ridiculous conclusion that there was far too much beer in me.

 

I retired to the Winter Garden to read and snore.  They were having a cocktail party for the "World Cruisers".  Some passengers have been on the ship for months: probably heavy smokers.  I notice a waiter restacking all the plates.  Why would he risk touching all the crockery (public health is a big issue on ocean liners).  Then I notice the curious way he is doing it, and work out he's putting all the crests in the same position.  Class will always outrank health.  Anyway, he's wearing latex gloves.

 

My jive lesson was everything I expected of it.  I was provided with a sparrow-sized partner, so I was able to perform my part of the figures without any noticeable resistance.  Our Spanish instructors showed us some of the basics, made us feel quite good, than, as usual, soared away to perfection at the end.  They did an exhibition in the ballroom after dinner.  I don't know if this was as good, because the young lady was wearing practically no clothes, so I didn't get to see their feet: or, indeed, him.